The Unexplained Mysteries of AFL Football

We play it with an oval ball and get rewarded for inaccuracy. This is the game known prominently around Australia as 'Aussie Rules', and as Phill Chadwick explains, there's
a plethora of mysteries to be uncovered.

Around the world there are many deep, unsolved mysteries.

What happened to Amelia Earhart?

Where was the crew of the Marie Celeste?

And it is the same with many sports.

Who, other than true aficionados, can understand the Offside Rule in soccer, especially the new "active/passive player" rule? And why does the slightest tap on the ankle produce such extreme, but short-lived agony?

How do synchronized swimmers manage to keep smiling?

And as for Curling. Well enough said, right?

But, for me, the sport with some of the most baffling, most illogical and just plain incomprehensible mysteries has to be AFL Football.

Look at the AFL league table, and you will notice that a team earns four points for a win, two points for a draw and no points for a loss. In the immortal words of Professor Julius Sumner-Miller "Why is it so?"

The only requirement is to distinguish between wins, draws and losses, with draws worth half a win. Obviously, then, a win should be two points, a draw one point and a loss zero points. There is no reason for it to be otherwise.

In soccer, in an attempt to reduce the number of drawn games, three points for a win was introduced. AFL football, in which draws are rare, doesn't need that.

Did some bright spark in the AFL Hierarchy think that two points was not enough reward for a win? Let's give them four points instead.

Think about it for one moment. If we make it four points, why not six? Or eight? Or any even number. Maybe they should award 64 points for a win, and 32 points for a draw. That would make the AFL table really impressive at the end of the season. Picture it:

Adelaide Crows: Won 19, Drawn 1, Lost 2, Percentage 132.5, Points 1,248
West Coast: Won 17, Drawn 0, Lost 5, percentage 125.7, Points 1,088
and so on ...

Ok, that's an optimistic view of an Adelaide Crows season, but I can dream, can't I?

Ridiculous it may be, but that makes just as much sense as the current system. Please, if anyone can come up with a logical reason why the points system is as it is, just let me know and put me out of my misery.

And another thing.

Why is the AFL's key piece of equipment, the venerable Sherrin, still supplied with laces? Football manufacturing technology has proceeded in leaps and bounds since the 1920's, when the only way to get the bladder in was to have a slit that was laced up afterwards.

Soccer balls, Rugby balls of both codes, Netballs, Basketballs and Gaelic footballs have all managed to progress to the lace-less state. AFL footballs are stuck in some kind of time warp.

The only counter example I can think of is American football, where the laces provide grip for the Quarterback's fingers when throwing a pass.

Maybe I'm just dim and there is a real reason other than sheer pig-headed traditionalism for this, but, for the life of me I can't think what it might be.

While I'm in the mood, there are a few other annoying and unexplained features of this great and glorious game.

Why does the AFL persist with the Bounce? The match officials are there to provide consistent, unbiased judgment and interpretation of the rules of the game. Apart from the aerobic running ability to keep close enough to properly observe the play , umpiring is a purely mental task.

Why then are they, at irregular intervals throughout the game, called on to display a difficult physical skill? The ability to bounce the Sherrin consistently, fairly and accurately, is a very difficult skill indeed. Try it yourself some time. Experienced AFL Umpires get it wrong quite often.

The act of bouncing also requires the Umpire's head to be bowed down to the ground at the point of release. So, not only do Umpires have to waste time learning and practicing this pointless display of physical prowess, but they also can't see what is going on around them at that critical time.

Spectators come along to watch the physical exploits of the players, and have no interest in the ball-bouncing talents of the umpires.

Boundary line throw-ins are at least fairly easy to get right.

But what is even more baffling is the common umpiring practice of dishing out free advice to the players. Umpires, it seems, are all frustrated coaches.

Dozens of times throughout the course of a game you will hear the umpire giving advice to the players. "Knock it out clean, Nathan." "Careful Spider, let him go." "Watch your arms, Barry." This sort of thing deeply disturbs me. The umpire's job is to officiate and make decisions.

It is not for the match officials to be advising the players that, if they keep doing something, or don't do something, they might give a way a free kick. The only communication between player and umpire, other than the pre- and post-match pleasantries, should be via the whistle.

After all, if a player presumes to advise the umpire how to do his job, he would be guilty of dissent. Yet throughout the game the umpires continually advise the players how to go about their jobs.

So, honestly, if there is a reasonable explanation for any of this, please let me know.

Until then, they will be consigned to the files of "Unexplained Mysteries".

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